Feeling of writing

As the night envelops me in its shadowy embrace, I find solace in the world I create through my writing. It's a place where I can weave my own narrative, surrounded by the people I long for and cherish. While life has introduced me to wonderful souls who have become more than friends, there remains an unfillable void, a yearning for someone or something that feels out of reach.

In the tapestry of my memories, I find myself longing for those I've lost along the way. They exist now only in the echoes of cherished moments, their presence a bittersweet reminder of the fragility of life. I miss the warmth of their understanding, the comfort of their embrace, and the reassurance that their unwavering support provided.

There are moments when I wonder if I could have done things differently, if I had been braver and more outspoken about my true self in the presence of my dear mother. Perhaps, if I had opened up more to my grandmother before she passed, she would have embraced me with the love and understanding I yearned for, despite her initial reservations about my journey.

The weight of unspoken words hangs heavy in the silence, especially when it comes to the person I fell in love with. Regret tinges my thoughts as I contemplate whether a different approach, one laced with patience and understanding, could have altered our trajectory. In the stillness of the night, I find myself clinging to the fragile tendrils of hope, envisioning a future where our paths converge once more, where understanding and love intertwine in a bond that transcends all boundaries.

In these moments of vulnerability, I can only hope that my words reach him, conveying the depth of my emotions and the unspoken desire to reconcile and rebuild what we once started. It's a plea to bridge the chasm between us, to rediscover the profound connection that once bound my soul with his. As I lay my heart bare in these words, I hope and dream that somewhere, somehow, the universe will conspire to reunite us, allowing our souls to reconnect and write a story that defies the odds.

Falling in Love (One-sided)

Love has its own enigmatic ways, often leading us down a path of dreams and desires, with its unpredictable currents and tumultuous tides, only to leave us grasping at fleeting wisps of what could have been. I found myself ensnared in a similar tale, where I found myself falling, falling hard for a soul that seemed to speak the language of my own, where my heart was captivated by a love that fate deemed unattainable. Despite our shared connection, circumstances beyond our control wove a web that prevented our love from blossoming into something more.

The ache of unrequited love is an indescribable pain, a shattering of the heart that seems to echo through every fiber of one's being. As I find myself pouring these words onto the page, I can't help but wonder if he will ever stumble upon these lines. Perhaps, it's my way of reaching out, of whispering my sentiments into the universe, or maybe it's my attempt to grasp onto a sliver of hope that somehow, our paths might realign. It's the inescapable feeling of being trapped in a reverie, one that I can't seem to break free from.

The depth of emotions I've experienced has been both exhilarating and devastating. Amidst the turmoil, the well-intentioned advice from well-wishers only seems to skim the surface. "Move on," they say, as if it were a switch that could be easily flicked off. But my heart refuses to comply, entangled in a web of emotions that refuses to loosen its grip.

In the silence of the night, I find myself tracing the contours of his absence, clinging onto the slimmest thread of hope that perhaps, just perhaps, our paths might intersect once more. It's the unwavering faith in the magic of serendipity that keeps me holding on, even as the weight of uncertainty threatens to crush my spirit. I long for a connection that transcends the boundaries of romance, a bond that can withstand the trials of time. Though the weight of unreciprocated affection drapes heavy upon my soul, I find solace in the mere thought of maintaining some form of connection, even if it's just as friends. The prospect of severing ties completely feels like an impossibility, leaving a void that threatens to engulf me whole.

Through the tears and the ache, I find solace in the flicker of hope that refuses to be snuffed out. It's the faint whisper of a promise, a silent vow that love, in all its complexities, will find a way to prevail. And so, I continue to tread this delicate tightrope of emotion, with a heart that remains tethered to his, beating in silent rhythm, yearning for a future where our paths may intertwine once more. As I pen these words, tears blur the lines, each drop a testament to the profound depth of my emotions. It's in these moments of vulnerability that I find a semblance of peace, knowing that my words carry the weight of my unspoken feelings, etched into the very fabric of my being.

Reason for No New Post Yet and partial stop of HRT

Life took some unexpected turns, and my writing took a backseat. I used to write to express myself, but lately, it's been tough. Things started getting rough during my last hormonal session. That day, my grandma got really sick, and she passed away the next day because of her heart. It hit me hard, and I couldn't keep up with my meds after that. Dealing with all the emotions was a struggle.

Eventually, I managed to get back on track with my meds, but then I got sick. That meant I had to stop my hormone replacement therapy for a while. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges, but I'm slowly finding my way back. Writing has always been my refuge, and I'm hoping that sharing my story can resonate with someone going through a tough time. Life can be hard, but we can make it through

Through it all, I've learned that life doesn't always follow the script we've penned. It can throw some tough challenges our way, leaving us feeling lost and overwhelmed. As I slowly ease back into my writing, I find solace in putting my thoughts and draft once more. It's a cathartic process, allowing me to make sense of the chaos and find a glimmer of hope even in the darkest of times. 

Philosophically I've come to realise that the struggles we face are what shape us, molding us into stronger and more empathetic individuals.

So, if you're going through a rough patch, just know that it's going to end sometime. We're all in this together, navigating the unpredictable journey of life. I/we need to remember, it's okay not to be okay. Take each day as it comes, and hold on to the little moments of joy that come our way. They may seem small, but they have the power to light up even the darkest paths of our memory lane.