Bottom Surgery

This month March, I underwent sigmoid colon vaginoplasty at CANS Hospital. This post details my experience—from admission and preparation to the surgery itself and the post-operative recovery.

I was admitted in the early evening. The initial procedures included signing consent forms, providing insurance details, and undergoing tests (blood work, ECG, ultrasound, and chest X-ray). An IV cannula was placed in my hand to facilitate the process.

I was given a pre-operative drink called Pegleg—a powdered supplement mixed into a 2-litre bottle of water with a flavour sachet (I chose orange). After drinking about 60% of the mixture, I began experiencing loose motions that continued for hours, eventually subsiding to clear, watery stools until morning. The discomfort kept me awake all night, and although I wasn’t allowed water in the morning, this restriction helped me finally get some rest before the surgery.

I was moved to the operation theatre where Dr. Arjun Nagraj, the urologist at CANS Hospital, explained the procedure and the associated risks in detail. After reaffirming my consent, the anesthesiologist had a brief chat with me before I was put under anaesthesia.

The procedure performed was a sigmoid colon vaginoplasty. This technique involves using a segment of the sigmoid colon to construct a neovagina, providing a natural lining and lubrication. This method is chosen for its ability to create aesthetically pleasing and functional results, which was a crucial factor for me.

Upon waking up, I found myself in the ICU, overwhelmed by pain and unable to move. I experienced bouts of disorientation, frequently drifting in and out of consciousness due to the intense pain.

For the first 5 to 6 days, I was not allowed any water, except for extremely limited sips of distilled water (only two drops at a time). The pain persisted, and I continued to struggle with thirst and discomfort during this critical period. I spent 24 hours in the ICU before being moved to my room—a challenging transition given my inability to move and disorientation.

I had both a drain bag attached to my stomach and a urine catheter. Despite feeling the urge to urinate, I often couldn’t due to my condition, although there was significant urine output. I remained hospitalized for a total of 15 days.

As I write this, I’m now at home—about 4 to 5 days post-discharge, making it roughly 19 to 20 days since the surgery. I’m able to eat and drink normally, but I still face challenges with mobility, such as difficulty sitting, rising from a chair or bed, and even turning in bed. My gait currently resembles that of a penguin. Pain remains a constant, albeit reduced, companion, and the necessary dilation process is quite painful due to increased sensitivity. However, it is critical to prevent the wound from contracting.

I’m satisfied with the surgery overall, though I’m still awaiting the full aesthetic results. The sigmoid colon vaginoplasty has provided a significant step forward in my journey, and while recovery is ongoing, each day brings progress.

Process of getting TG ID and Certificate in India

 Process of getting a TG ID & Certificate under Section 6

 

Step 1: Get a Non-Judicial Stamp Paper aka an Affidavit (Note Stamp duty for the Non-Judicial Stamp paper is different in each state).

 

Step 2: Use the format provided either for gender and name change or only gender change (Note you can only declare yourself transgender if applying under section 6).

 

Step 3: Get the affidavit Notarized by Public Notary they are usually an advocate, Minimum cost of Notary is Rs. 50 per page.

 

Step 4: Apply for TG ID and Certificate online on the following link 

https://transgender.dosje.gov.in/Applicant/Registration/Index (Note you will have to keep a picture of yourself ready, a picture of your signature, affidavit both sides picture and any government issued ID card usually Aadhar card or Voter’s ID) .

 

Step 5: If any urgency to receive TG ID and Certificate early first write a letter to the District Magistrate mentioning your urgency and take a xerox of the same document. Original letter is for the DM and the xerox copy is for you as office copy.

 

Step 6: Meet the District Magistrate first submit the letter to dm and ask for an acknowledgement receipt which they can do by putting the stamp or signature with date on your letter and then meet with whoever the DM directs you to meet for getting the TG ID.

 

Step 7: If you have received your ID congratulations now you can start changing your other documents but remember all documents will show that you are transgender.

 

NOTE GETTING A TG ID & CERTIFICATE UNDER SECTION

6 IS NOT MANDATORY IF YOU HAVE A GD/GID CERTIFICATE FROM A PSYCHIATRIST OR PSYCHOLOGIST YOU CAN APPLY FOR TG ID AND CERTIFICATE UNDER SECTION 7 ITSELF

 

Affidavit Format

Bangalore to Delhi and Back to Bangalore

Hey you !

It's been a while since I last posted. Recently, in May 2024, I visited New Delhi, our nation's capital. I had the chance to meet a lot of bureaucrats who are working on improving the lives of transgender individuals. I also have some medical updates to share, but I'll save those for the next post. This one is all about my meetings with the officials.

First, I stopped by the Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment. I spoke with a senior bureaucrat there, who gave me some hope. They mentioned a few small changes, notifications, and guidelines for district officials who handle the transgender identity cards and certificates. I asked about the binary gender marker ID card, and they explained that the 2019 Act requires surgery for a binary gender marker. But in 2020, they updated the rules so that now you just need a medical certificate for gender dysphoria to apply for a binary gender certificate.

They're also planning to create a proper format for the transgender ID cards so they can be printed and laminated like regular ID cards.

When it comes to scholarships, there's still nothing decided yet. The same goes for the Garima Greh scheme. As for the Composite Medical Health Scheme, they need to talk with the Ministry of Family Health and Welfare, the Director General of Health Services, and the National Health Authority before they can implement any health policies.

Next, I visited another ministry that deals with medical affairs. They told me that medical issues are mostly handled by state governments, so the central government can't do much directly. But they are working on new policies and a health package for transgender individuals under the Ayushmann Bharat scheme. It's hard to say when this will happen, but it might be after the next elections. Meanwhile, we can keep hoping and maybe write letters to push for quicker action or some interim relief.

Unfortunately, not everything went smoothly on my trip. I had two really bad experiences. Once, near my hotel in Delhi, I was catcalled, and another time, when I was in an auto, the same thing happened. Then, when I got back to Bangalore and was waiting for an auto to take me home, an old guy kept touching his groin area and trying to call me over. I felt disgusted, angry, and concerned about such behavior. It made me reflect on the challenges people from outside Bangalore might face when they visit here.

But aside from those three incidents, everything else was good

Thanks for reading, and I'll be back soon with more updates!

STOPPING HRT

In the midst of my journey, life threw several curveballs my way, prompting me to hit pause on my Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) last August. It was a tough call, triggered by the passing of my grandmother, followed by a bout of tonsillitis that landed me in the hospital for a week. Throw in the chaos of college entrance exams, and my HRT plans took a backseat. It felt like a series of relentless challenges, but I knew I had to navigate them one step at a time.

Finally, after wrapping up my exams in December, I recommitted to my HRT journey. Those intervening months brought their own set of hurdles, including a not-so-great experience that tested my resilience. But I held my ground, and in January, I marked a significant milestone – my sixth dose of testosterone blocker which is the duration of three months. But the estrogen dosage, however, will remain consistent during this period, a strategic move as I gear up for the next phase of my journey.

In the midst of all this, there's a bright spot on the horizon. I've been accepted into a fantastic prestigious Law College, and the best part is, I don't have to move away from home. That's a huge relief, though I'm fully aware that the college experience will bring its own set of adventures and challenges. But hey, I'm up for it. There's just a few hurdle's left to clear before I can dive into this new chapter, and I'm hopeful it won't be long before I can put it behind me.

Looking forward, before the end of March 2024 holds another significant event for me – Top Surgery. It's a decision I've considered carefully, a pivotal step in aligning my physical self with my true identity. The anticipation is a mix of nerves and excitement, but deep down, I know it's the right path for me.

As I gear up for college and the transformative journey ahead, I want to acknowledge every twist and turn that has shaped my story. Each setback, each decision to forge ahead – it's all part of the tapestry of my life. Sharing this journey is not just a personal reflection but also a way to connect with others on similar paths. Here's to the coming months, filled with victories, support, and the continued pursuit of authenticity.

Insurance from Government of India (Ayushmann Bhaarat)

 Transitioning from the painful chapter I previously shared, I now shift my focus to an intriguing development known as "Ayushmann Bhaarat."

As I embarked on the journey of changing my identity documents through the District Magistrate's office, I found myself navigating a national portal. While engaging with this platform, I stumbled upon an unexpected yet relevant revelation—a connection to health insurance.

Introducing the "Ayushmann Bhaarat TG+ Composite Medical Health" scheme. Eager to delve into the details, I embarked on a quest to understand its significance and how to apply. My curiosity led me to seek information from various sources and engage with a Government Official who offered insights into this intriguing scheme.

What I discovered was both promising and bittersweet. Yes, the "Ayushmann Bhaarat TG+ Composite Medical Health" scheme does exist. It holds the potential to revolutionize access to medical care for individuals like myself. However, the disappointing caveat was that the scheme had not yet been implemented.

My pursuit for clarity spanned approximately three months, during which I navigated bureaucratic avenues and sought official guidance. While the duration of this endeavor may have tested my patience, I remained steadfast in my quest for information.

The underlying hope throughout this process was simple yet profound—my aspiration for the expeditious implementation of the "Ayushmann Bhaarat TG+ Composite Medical Health" scheme. I envisioned a future where countless individuals could benefit from the comprehensive medical facilities it promised to offer.

As I eagerly anticipate the day when this scheme becomes a tangible reality, I am reminded of the transformative impact it could wield. The prospect of accessible and inclusive medical care holds the power to reshape lives, alleviate suffering, and foster a more compassionate society.

In conclusion, while my personal journey prompted me to explore this scheme, my broader aspiration lies in witnessing its eventual realization. Let us collectively yearn for a future where such initiatives seamlessly merge with our healthcare landscape, empowering individuals to embrace their identities without the burden of inadequate medical support.

A Phobic Doctor Relative part-2

 Continuing from my previous post:

(Previously, I shared a one-sided correspondence from a phobic relative directed towards me. Now, I'm unveiling another layer of correspondence that I stumbled upon later. This exchange involved the same phobic relative, who was bent on exacerbating my mental distress and interfering with my diagnosis. Their intention was to manipulate my grandparents into doubting the validity of my situation.)

In an unexpected turn of events, I found myself entangled in a series of interactions that unraveled the lengths to which this phobic relative would go to harm my mental well-being. Their attempts to undermine my struggles were evident in the messages they shared with my grandparents. It was disheartening to witness the extent of their efforts to negate my identity and experiences.

They referenced an article, "https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5845076/," attempting to draw a link between my condition and various aspects, including gender dysphoria. However, upon careful examination, it became evident that this source held no relevance to my situation, further debunking any correlation to schizophrenia or related concerns.

One message from them stood out: "First rule out schizophrenia before undergoing permanent body transformation." Their implication was clear - they insinuated that my decision to embrace my true self and undergo gender-affirming changes was rash and ill-considered. Yet, their assertions fell flat in the face of comprehensive medical evaluations, which confirmed that my choices were grounded in a well-informed understanding of my identity.

They even went so far as to belittle my journey by stating, "He is playing and experimenting with his body." Astonishingly, their words reduced the profound process of self-discovery and acceptance to mere "play." This remark highlighted their blatant disregard for the emotional complexity that accompanies such a significant life transformation.

Their attempt to substantiate their case took the form of an enumeration of traits: "At risk - Mother-father with history of addiction, alcohol, smoking, physical abuse. After birth - Delayed speech, decreased social interaction, gadget addiction, grandeur behavior, learning issues, lack of attention or focus, body distortion, lack of self...bodily image, lack of goal-oriented behavior, lack of motivation." Their aim was clear: to amplify my alleged psychological vulnerabilities. However, this analysis crumbled upon closer scrutiny.

For instance, they used the phrase "at risk" to accentuate the influence of my parents' history, implying that I was predisposed to my challenges. But their attempt to magnify these risks only oversimplified the complex interplay of factors that contribute to an individual's development. Similarly, the mention of delayed speech and decreased social interaction overlooked the profound impact of my suppressed identity during my formative years.

Their assertions continued with accusations like "panic disorder," "lack of respect for social hierarchy order," and "lack of emotion even when mother died." These labels painted an incomplete picture of my experiences. The panic disorder I faced stemmed from the emotional turmoil caused by my dysphoria, a reality they conveniently overlooked. Their claim of "lack of respect for social hierarchy order" echoed the traditional, restrictive norms that I refuse to endorse.

The mention of my seemingly stoic reaction to my mother's passing disregarded the complex emotional journey I was navigating. Their failure to acknowledge the pain I felt at losing a confidante who promised to support my journey further exposed their lack of empathy.

They appended to their accusations by pointing out my supposed "low physical exercise" and the risk of "harming his body." However, their understanding was flawed. My detachment from my physical self was a direct result of my struggle with identity, not an indifference to my well-being. Their claim of self-harm risk failed to grasp the positive impact that hormone therapy (HRT) was having on me.

They alleged that my "attention-seeking behavior on social media" was the driving force behind my actions. This insinuation reduced my honest attempts at self-expression to mere attention-grabbing antics. They invalidated my courage in sharing my journey openly.

The culmination of their attempts was encapsulated in a comment from my grandfather: "Can you see what I see? It is a cluster of symptoms." Unfortunately, their perspective clouded their judgment. Rather than recognizing the authenticity of my experiences, they chose to label them as symptoms. Their outlook, influenced by prejudice, eroded any semblance of a balanced evaluation.

They further delved into my family history, painting my mother as a person with "high-risk behavior" and an inclination to "experiment with her body." Their portrayal was reductionist, ignoring the complex nature of personal growth and exploration. The mention of her "accidental death" and inability to "fit into society" failed to capture her essence or the broader social dynamics at play.

Ultimately, their attempt to manipulate the narrative was evident when they stated, "If you didn't tell these points, they will wrongly diagnose." Their intention was transparent: to influence my diagnosis by presenting a distorted version of events. However, the comprehensive counseling process had already covered many of these points, rendering their strategy ineffective.

In a desperate attempt to lend credibility to their stance, they shared an article, "https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178121005679," which discussed psychosis in transgender individuals. Yet, this citation held no relevance to my situation, further emphasizing their lack of understanding.

Their accusation of "childhood behavioral issues - anger, etc." attempted to oversimplify the complex emotional turmoil I faced as a result of grappling with my identity.

Concluding their correspondence, they highlighted my grandfather's skepticism and urged a reevaluation of my diagnosis. This ongoing effort to delegitimize my experience, merely because I came out as a girl, was a painful reminder of the LGBQTIA+ phobia that persists in certain circles.

In essence, this correspondence was a disturbing reflection of the lengths to which prejudice can distort perception and perpetuate discrimination. It's a reminder that even as societal attitudes evolve, there remains a pressing need to challenge such biases and advocate for understanding and acceptance.

A Phobic Doctor Relative

 Dealing with a relative who holds LGBQTIA+ phobic views has been an eye-opening experience for me. This encounter emerged when they learned about my identification as a girl through Instagram's recommendations. What makes this situation particularly perplexing is that the relative is involved in the medical field, specializing in neurology.

Although I have never sought medical attention from them, they initiated a series of unsolicited diagnoses. Here's a glimpse into their messages:

"I am trying to stay in peace here

I will not tolerate any nonsense of any sort

(Old Nickname) includes you"

(To tolerate me, I must be under their care/ medical care—a condition I am not in.)

"to 25 percent of patients diagnosed with schizophrenia can express symptoms of gender dysphoria throughout their lives"

(Can medical professionals outside of psychiatry offer such diagnoses?)

"First evaluate for schizhophrenia due to family history and take than thinking it is normal fashion

Some substd psychiatrist who doesnt know can blotch up somebody life"

(So, has gender dysphoria become trivial while schizophrenia remains significant? It's concerning how they labeled other doctors as sub-standard without firsthand knowledge.)

"(A person we know) was treated as schizho depression panic disorder autoimmune juvenile diabetes anti gad etcetc

It took 20 yrs for him to lead normal life

So dont rush in life

(Close Relative) had harmonal issues causing bad dreams"

(Both diagnoses they mentioned are inaccurate. One relative had a pituitary gland concern, and the other individual wasn't even treated by this phobic relative.)

"Rdocs looks at development since foetal stsge

Your parents were drug addicts n u were exposed in utero...foetal exposure has caused changes in neurotransmitter n behaviour"

(While they're right that my parents used drugs recreationally, someone using drugs doesn't imply their child will experience gender dysphoria, their reasoning is more a myth than medical theory.)

"U are prone for gadget addiction get bored etc...plz foxus on career now

(My Grandparents) are old n tired"

(Despite having been cleared by two psychiatrists of having any addiction, this relative's interference compelled me to take action to address the situation, which I'll discuss in a future post.)

"Gradiosity is also another symptom...calling urself prince neil

Thinking ur above any establishment or norms of society

(Old Nickname) plz listen to me..go slow......establish ur self and ur career first so u can survive"

(Their assertion that I'm seeking attention through grandiosity doesn't hold. I'm not defying societal norms to be contrarian; I'm simply embracing my identity. My transition is crucial for my mental well-being.)

"Lack of focus on task at hand ...getting bored easily

Lack of formation of one self identity

(Old Nickname) u can google and check....these are cluster of symptoms coz of your exposure  as a foetus to alcohol, drugs, at risk genes

Your will power and our support will help u vaby"

(Yes, there are moments when my identity crisis affects my focus, and boredom arises from a lack of external engagement. Despite any prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs, I've taken control of my journey.)

"(Phobic Relative and my grandparents) want u to study live a successful life thats all

Be happy"

(Studying is my aspiration, but without the burden of dysphoria. I'm preparing for law entrance exams and envision a future where my transition doesn't hinder my pursuits.)

In response to their messages, I've chosen to convey my thoughts through this simple quote 

विकृतिः एवम्‌ प्रकृति (Vikriti Evan Prakriti) [Unnatural also Natural], 

embodying an unspoken message that transcends religious texts.

This situation underscores the complexities of navigating personal identity within the context of professional backgrounds. As I progress on my journey, I am committed to sharing my experiences and insights, striving to foster understanding and acceptance for those who may be facing similar challenges. Stay tuned for further reflections and updates.

Aadhar Update

 Some time ago, I embarked on the journey of updating my Aadhar card to reflect my latest gender. This process turned out to be surprisingly straightforward for me. Yet, I am fully aware that this isn't the case for everyone. It's heartening to witness that certain officials are sensitive to the diverse circumstances individuals may face during such processes, and they avoid unnecessary questioning or potentially humiliating inquiries.

At present, I'm pleased to share that my Aadhar card has been successfully updated, and I've also managed to update my Election ID card. The next items on my agenda are to revise my educational documents, followed by updating my passport and Driver's License.

I'm optimistic that the process will be as seamless as the Aadhar update itself. Nonetheless, I've taken precautions and secured backup documentation, ensuring a smoother update process in case of any unforeseen challenges.

Navigating these updates has provided me with insights into the administrative systems that impact our personal identities. I'm encouraged by the positive steps taken by certain officials and institutions, making strides toward inclusivity and understanding. As I continue on this journey, I'll be sharing more about my experiences and the lessons I've learned along the way. Stay tuned for future updates!

Two Updates in One Post

Today marked another crucial step in my journey towards self-discovery and self-acceptance. I had my scheduled psychologist appointment this week, and this time I brought my Grandmother along for support and to involve her in my ongoing process. As I entered the psychologist's office, I felt a mix of emotions - anxiety, relief, and a need to release pent-up emotions that had been building inside me.

I began by pouring out my thoughts and frustrations, expressing my recent experiences with Instagram. To my dismay, Instagram had unknowingly betrayed my trust by inadvertently revealing personal details to a family member, whose reaction was filled with hate and judgment. It was a deeply hurtful experience that left me feeling vulnerable and misunderstood. However, on the flip side, Instagram had also unintentionally exposed the same information to my close friends, who reacted with understanding and unwavering support. I confided in my psychologist about both instances, emphasizing the emotional toll they had taken on me.

After venting and sharing my experiences, it was time for my Grandmother to have her session with the psychologist. While I sat in the waiting area, a mix of curiosity and anticipation enveloped me. What would they discuss? This question lingered, and I eagerly awaited our next appointment, where we would reconvene with me, my grandparents & psychologist and shed light on the conversation that transpired.

In other news, a momentous occasion took place in my legal journey today. The application for my new gender identity change certificate was approved! Holding that document in my hands was both empowering. It signified a step towards authenticity and validation of my true self. With the certificate in my possession, I now have the means to navigate the legal system and update various legal documents to align with my true identity.

These two updates mark significant milestones in my personal growth, and I wanted to share them with you all. Thank you for being a part of my journey, and until next time, stay tuned for further updates as I continue to explore and embrace my true self.

Affidavit submitted awaiting update

Legal Update

In my previous update, I shared the exciting news of obtaining my clearance to begin Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Today, I took another significant step by creating an Affidavit and having it properly notarised.

To proceed with the legal process of changing my gender on official documents, I have submitted the notarised Affidavit online through the Government of India portal to the District Magistrate, also known as the Collector or Deputy Commissioner.

In order to expedite the process, I plan to schedule an appointment with the District Magistrate next week. By doing so, I hope to obtain my revised ID card, which will accurately reflect my gender identity.

If everything goes according to plan and I receive the updated ID card before my upcoming birthday soon, it would be an incredibly meaningful gift from the Government, symbolising their recognition of my true gender identity.

I will keep you all informed of any further developments in this legal process. Stay tuned for more updates!

My first legal step to change my gender officially

Today, I had an important appointment with my psychiatrist, and I am thrilled to share some great news. I have obtained my psychiatric clearance to commence Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). With the official clearance letter in hand, I am now able to visit the endocrinologist at any time and begin my transition journey.

However, before embarking on HRT, I have initiated the legal process to change my gender on my government-issued identity documents. As part of this process, I am required to obtain a notarized affidavit stating my intention to change my gender. Once I submit this affidavit to the government, they will update my gender in the system and issue revised identity documents reflecting my correct gender.

I am excited to share further updates soon regarding the progress of my legal process and medical journey. Stay tuned for the next update!