Bottom Surgery

This month March, I underwent sigmoid colon vaginoplasty at CANS Hospital. This post details my experience—from admission and preparation to the surgery itself and the post-operative recovery.

I was admitted in the early evening. The initial procedures included signing consent forms, providing insurance details, and undergoing tests (blood work, ECG, ultrasound, and chest X-ray). An IV cannula was placed in my hand to facilitate the process.

I was given a pre-operative drink called Pegleg—a powdered supplement mixed into a 2-litre bottle of water with a flavour sachet (I chose orange). After drinking about 60% of the mixture, I began experiencing loose motions that continued for hours, eventually subsiding to clear, watery stools until morning. The discomfort kept me awake all night, and although I wasn’t allowed water in the morning, this restriction helped me finally get some rest before the surgery.

I was moved to the operation theatre where Dr. Arjun Nagraj, the urologist at CANS Hospital, explained the procedure and the associated risks in detail. After reaffirming my consent, the anesthesiologist had a brief chat with me before I was put under anaesthesia.

The procedure performed was a sigmoid colon vaginoplasty. This technique involves using a segment of the sigmoid colon to construct a neovagina, providing a natural lining and lubrication. This method is chosen for its ability to create aesthetically pleasing and functional results, which was a crucial factor for me.

Upon waking up, I found myself in the ICU, overwhelmed by pain and unable to move. I experienced bouts of disorientation, frequently drifting in and out of consciousness due to the intense pain.

For the first 5 to 6 days, I was not allowed any water, except for extremely limited sips of distilled water (only two drops at a time). The pain persisted, and I continued to struggle with thirst and discomfort during this critical period. I spent 24 hours in the ICU before being moved to my room—a challenging transition given my inability to move and disorientation.

I had both a drain bag attached to my stomach and a urine catheter. Despite feeling the urge to urinate, I often couldn’t due to my condition, although there was significant urine output. I remained hospitalized for a total of 15 days.

As I write this, I’m now at home—about 4 to 5 days post-discharge, making it roughly 19 to 20 days since the surgery. I’m able to eat and drink normally, but I still face challenges with mobility, such as difficulty sitting, rising from a chair or bed, and even turning in bed. My gait currently resembles that of a penguin. Pain remains a constant, albeit reduced, companion, and the necessary dilation process is quite painful due to increased sensitivity. However, it is critical to prevent the wound from contracting.

I’m satisfied with the surgery overall, though I’m still awaiting the full aesthetic results. The sigmoid colon vaginoplasty has provided a significant step forward in my journey, and while recovery is ongoing, each day brings progress.

Breast Augmentation Surgery

It’s been a long time since my last post, so here’s an update on the breast augmentation surgery I had last year.

I underwent the procedure right after the RG Kar Doctor strike had ended. My surgery took place at CANS Hospital in Bangalore, where two skilled plastic surgeons, Dr. Roshan and Dr. Karthik, performed the operation. They waited for me to decide on the size I was comfortable with; I ultimately chose 500cc, which turned out to be the perfect fit for my body type—even though arriving at that decision was a challenge.

This was a complete cash procedure, costing me 1.4 Lakhs. I stayed in the hospital for about 7 to 10 days. After the surgery, I experienced immense pain, but the satisfaction of affirming my gender was overwhelmingly ecstatic—an emotion that’s hard to put into words.

I started to regain my strength after about five days. I initially struggled with dizziness and tended to stay in bed, but eventually, I adjusted by sitting up more, and the dizziness subsided. Once discharged, I returned home and immediately resumed college.

I began using a comprehension bra, which was recommended to provide a natural look and keep my breasts in place. Although it did the job, it made me sweat excessively and was a bit uncomfortable. Despite these minor issues, I was able to return to my normal routine within a month.

In the first few months, I experienced reduced sensation in my breasts—something I had anticipated due to the skin stretching from the silicone implants. Thankfully, I have gradually regained about 70% of the sensation, and my nipples have maintained full sensitivity, which is a relief. I had hoped for some growth in my nipples, but while they haven’t, the area surrounding them has developed significantly.

Currently, my size is 46D, but due to my body type, I find that I need to wear a 48C bra. I’m not too fond of the bra, so I’ve been opting for shapewear instead, which provides a similar effect and offers an aesthetically pleasing shape.

Completing 1 Year of HRT and life event updates

It’s been a while since I last shared an update about my transition, so I thought it was high time I filled you all in on what’s been happening in my life!

First off, I’m thrilled to share that I’ve been accepted into the prestigious National Law School of India University in Bangalore for the BA LLB (Hons) 5-year course. It’s a dream come true, and I’m so excited about this new chapter in my life.

In terms of my transition, I’ve just completed my first year of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), and I’m now in my 14th month. It’s been an incredible journey of growth and self-discovery, and I’m so grateful for the progress I’ve made.

As I’ve navigated this journey, one quote that has resonated with me is 

BODY

"If they see breasts and long hair coming, they call it woman.

If beard and whiskers they call it man.

But look, the self that hovers in between

Is neither man nor woman ..."

- Nivedita Menon, Seeing Like a Feminist 2012 

These words remind me that my identity is not confined by societal labels but is a reflection of my own truth.

With a year of HRT behind me, I’ve started planning for my surgery, which has been both exciting and a bit overwhelming. As I explored my options, I encountered some challenges, such as time constraints and bureaucratic hurdles, but I’m determined to make it work.

I’ve decided to go ahead with my top surgery—Breast Augmentation—and I was faced with the decision of choosing between Fat Grafting and Silicone Implants. After weighing the pros and cons, I’ve opted for silicone implants. But then came the tricky part: deciding on the right size. To help me figure it out, I consulted with a few plastic surgeons here in Bangalore. When I still wasn’t sure, I turned to YouTube and found the Rice Bag test, which gave me a general idea of the size I might want. Trying on implant sizers afterward really solidified my decision.

Once I made up my mind, I began the cashless pre-approval process with a non-network hospital. Unfortunately, the process is taking longer than expected, and as I write this, it’s still not complete, even though the day I planned to be admitted has arrived.

So, here I am, at the university, taking a break during class to update my blog and share my journey with you all. I can’t wait to give you my next update once I’ve fully recovered and had my follow-up appointments with the doctors.

Until then, wish me luck, and I’ll talk to you soon!

Understanding Gender Dysphoria: A Personal Journey

I was recently asked how one can determine if they have gender dysphoria. It's important to note that there is no standardized testing or evaluation for gender dysphoria at this time. The process often involves reflecting on your past experiences and feelings. Unless you specifically mention gender dysphoria, a doctor is unlikely to suggest it out of the blue. Currently, the primary criterion for diagnosis is your own narrative and self-awareness.

If you find yourself uncertain or questioning your gender identity, there are several steps you can take to explore this further:

1. Consult a Clinical Psychologist: A mental health professional can provide a safe space for you to discuss your feelings and experiences, helping you to understand your gender identity better.

2. Connect with Trans Individuals: Talking to someone who has gone through a similar journey can offer valuable insights and support. They can share their personal experiences and offer practical advice.

3. Experience Real-Life Situations: Within your comfort zone, try living as your identified gender. This could be through clothing, social interactions, or other gender expressions. This real-life experience can be very illuminating.

4. Read and Research: There is a wealth of literature about transgender experiences. Books, articles, and online resources can provide a broader understanding and help you see different perspectives on gender identity.

Ultimately, the decision about your gender identity is deeply personal and should be based on your self-discovery and research. It's a journey that requires introspection, courage, and sometimes, professional guidance. Remember, you are the one who best understands your own experiences and feelings. Trust yourself and give yourself the time and space to explore your identity fully.

I hope this helps!

Obstacles

Tonight, I find myself drowning in a sea of emotions as I confront the seemingly insurmountable obstacles on my path towards transition surgeries. It's a journey fraught with darkness, where every step forward feels like a battle against the tide of despair.

The obstacles that loom before me cast long shadows over my soul, weighing me down with their oppressive presence. There are the personal challenges, the relentless whispers of doubt and insecurity that echo in the recesses of my mind. Coping with dysphoria and the relentless onslaught of anxiety threatens to consume me, leaving me gasping for air in a sea of self-loathing constantly feeling incomplete.

And then there are the social challenges, the harsh realities of a world that refuses to see me for who I truly am. It's a world where the words of others cut like knives, slicing through the fragile veneer of my self-worth. Their unintentional comments and unintentional benifit of the doubt opportunity slights serve as painful reminders of the hurdles that stand between me and the life I long to live.

Relationships are a minefield, fraught with the constant fear of rejection and abandonment. The thought of opening up to others, only to be met with disdain or indifference, fills me with a bone-deep ache that refuses to be ignored. It's a lonely existence, surrounded by people yet feeling utterly alone in my struggle.

But amidst the darkness, there are fleeting moments of respite. A kind word from a friend, a gentle touch that speaks volumes more than words ever could. In those moments, I find a flicker of hope amidst the despair, a glimmer of light in the suffocating darkness.

So as I navigate through the treacherous waters of my surgical journey, I cling to that flicker of hope with all the strength I can muster. It may be small, barely visible against the overwhelming tide of despair, but it's enough to keep me going for another day trying to complete myself to feel myself.

STOPPING HRT

In the midst of my journey, life threw several curveballs my way, prompting me to hit pause on my Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) last August. It was a tough call, triggered by the passing of my grandmother, followed by a bout of tonsillitis that landed me in the hospital for a week. Throw in the chaos of college entrance exams, and my HRT plans took a backseat. It felt like a series of relentless challenges, but I knew I had to navigate them one step at a time.

Finally, after wrapping up my exams in December, I recommitted to my HRT journey. Those intervening months brought their own set of hurdles, including a not-so-great experience that tested my resilience. But I held my ground, and in January, I marked a significant milestone – my sixth dose of testosterone blocker which is the duration of three months. But the estrogen dosage, however, will remain consistent during this period, a strategic move as I gear up for the next phase of my journey.

In the midst of all this, there's a bright spot on the horizon. I've been accepted into a fantastic prestigious Law College, and the best part is, I don't have to move away from home. That's a huge relief, though I'm fully aware that the college experience will bring its own set of adventures and challenges. But hey, I'm up for it. There's just a few hurdle's left to clear before I can dive into this new chapter, and I'm hopeful it won't be long before I can put it behind me.

Looking forward, before the end of March 2024 holds another significant event for me – Top Surgery. It's a decision I've considered carefully, a pivotal step in aligning my physical self with my true identity. The anticipation is a mix of nerves and excitement, but deep down, I know it's the right path for me.

As I gear up for college and the transformative journey ahead, I want to acknowledge every twist and turn that has shaped my story. Each setback, each decision to forge ahead – it's all part of the tapestry of my life. Sharing this journey is not just a personal reflection but also a way to connect with others on similar paths. Here's to the coming months, filled with victories, support, and the continued pursuit of authenticity.

Feeling of writing

As the night envelops me in its shadowy embrace, I find solace in the world I create through my writing. It's a place where I can weave my own narrative, surrounded by the people I long for and cherish. While life has introduced me to wonderful souls who have become more than friends, there remains an unfillable void, a yearning for someone or something that feels out of reach.

In the tapestry of my memories, I find myself longing for those I've lost along the way. They exist now only in the echoes of cherished moments, their presence a bittersweet reminder of the fragility of life. I miss the warmth of their understanding, the comfort of their embrace, and the reassurance that their unwavering support provided.

There are moments when I wonder if I could have done things differently, if I had been braver and more outspoken about my true self in the presence of my dear mother. Perhaps, if I had opened up more to my grandmother before she passed, she would have embraced me with the love and understanding I yearned for, despite her initial reservations about my journey.

The weight of unspoken words hangs heavy in the silence, especially when it comes to the person I fell in love with. Regret tinges my thoughts as I contemplate whether a different approach, one laced with patience and understanding, could have altered our trajectory. In the stillness of the night, I find myself clinging to the fragile tendrils of hope, envisioning a future where our paths converge once more, where understanding and love intertwine in a bond that transcends all boundaries.

In these moments of vulnerability, I can only hope that my words reach him, conveying the depth of my emotions and the unspoken desire to reconcile and rebuild what we once started. It's a plea to bridge the chasm between us, to rediscover the profound connection that once bound my soul with his. As I lay my heart bare in these words, I hope and dream that somewhere, somehow, the universe will conspire to reunite us, allowing our souls to reconnect and write a story that defies the odds.

Falling in Love (One-sided)

Love has its own enigmatic ways, often leading us down a path of dreams and desires, with its unpredictable currents and tumultuous tides, only to leave us grasping at fleeting wisps of what could have been. I found myself ensnared in a similar tale, where I found myself falling, falling hard for a soul that seemed to speak the language of my own, where my heart was captivated by a love that fate deemed unattainable. Despite our shared connection, circumstances beyond our control wove a web that prevented our love from blossoming into something more.

The ache of unrequited love is an indescribable pain, a shattering of the heart that seems to echo through every fiber of one's being. As I find myself pouring these words onto the page, I can't help but wonder if he will ever stumble upon these lines. Perhaps, it's my way of reaching out, of whispering my sentiments into the universe, or maybe it's my attempt to grasp onto a sliver of hope that somehow, our paths might realign. It's the inescapable feeling of being trapped in a reverie, one that I can't seem to break free from.

The depth of emotions I've experienced has been both exhilarating and devastating. Amidst the turmoil, the well-intentioned advice from well-wishers only seems to skim the surface. "Move on," they say, as if it were a switch that could be easily flicked off. But my heart refuses to comply, entangled in a web of emotions that refuses to loosen its grip.

In the silence of the night, I find myself tracing the contours of his absence, clinging onto the slimmest thread of hope that perhaps, just perhaps, our paths might intersect once more. It's the unwavering faith in the magic of serendipity that keeps me holding on, even as the weight of uncertainty threatens to crush my spirit. I long for a connection that transcends the boundaries of romance, a bond that can withstand the trials of time. Though the weight of unreciprocated affection drapes heavy upon my soul, I find solace in the mere thought of maintaining some form of connection, even if it's just as friends. The prospect of severing ties completely feels like an impossibility, leaving a void that threatens to engulf me whole.

Through the tears and the ache, I find solace in the flicker of hope that refuses to be snuffed out. It's the faint whisper of a promise, a silent vow that love, in all its complexities, will find a way to prevail. And so, I continue to tread this delicate tightrope of emotion, with a heart that remains tethered to his, beating in silent rhythm, yearning for a future where our paths may intertwine once more. As I pen these words, tears blur the lines, each drop a testament to the profound depth of my emotions. It's in these moments of vulnerability that I find a semblance of peace, knowing that my words carry the weight of my unspoken feelings, etched into the very fabric of my being.

Reason for No New Post Yet and partial stop of HRT

Life took some unexpected turns, and my writing took a backseat. I used to write to express myself, but lately, it's been tough. Things started getting rough during my last hormonal session. That day, my grandma got really sick, and she passed away the next day because of her heart. It hit me hard, and I couldn't keep up with my meds after that. Dealing with all the emotions was a struggle.

Eventually, I managed to get back on track with my meds, but then I got sick. That meant I had to stop my hormone replacement therapy for a while. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges, but I'm slowly finding my way back. Writing has always been my refuge, and I'm hoping that sharing my story can resonate with someone going through a tough time. Life can be hard, but we can make it through

Through it all, I've learned that life doesn't always follow the script we've penned. It can throw some tough challenges our way, leaving us feeling lost and overwhelmed. As I slowly ease back into my writing, I find solace in putting my thoughts and draft once more. It's a cathartic process, allowing me to make sense of the chaos and find a glimmer of hope even in the darkest of times. 

Philosophically I've come to realise that the struggles we face are what shape us, molding us into stronger and more empathetic individuals.

So, if you're going through a rough patch, just know that it's going to end sometime. We're all in this together, navigating the unpredictable journey of life. I/we need to remember, it's okay not to be okay. Take each day as it comes, and hold on to the little moments of joy that come our way. They may seem small, but they have the power to light up even the darkest paths of our memory lane.

Counselling 3

 A significant development occurred as my grandparents embarked on a joint psychological session, a notable step forward in our shared journey. Though the specifics of their discussion remain confidential, the aftermath of this session offered me invaluable insights.

Grasping the gravity of the moment, the psychologist conveyed a vital message. A key takeaway was the reinforcement of the importance of academic pursuits. The guidance to channel my energies towards my studies resonated deeply, serving as a reminder of the holistic growth I am aiming for.

Equally heartening was the psychologist's update regarding my grandparents' evolving stance. She conveyed that they have begun to grasp the nuances of my situation and expressed a commitment to support my journey of transition. This newfound understanding holds the potential to pave the way for a more harmonious and authentic relationship.

Perhaps the most reassuring aspect of this session was the psychologist's unequivocal assurance: she affirmed that my grandparents wouldn't intrude upon my journey. This declaration alleviated my concerns about external influences for sometime, allowing me to shift my focus inward and concentrate on my personal growth.

In light of these revelations, a sense of relief envelops me. The clarity and support that have emerged from this session provide a strong foundation upon which I can continue building my future. I am reminded that while the path may be intricate and challenging, it is also brimming with opportunities for growth, acceptance, and ultimately, self-discovery.

A Phobic Doctor Relative part-2

 Continuing from my previous post:

(Previously, I shared a one-sided correspondence from a phobic relative directed towards me. Now, I'm unveiling another layer of correspondence that I stumbled upon later. This exchange involved the same phobic relative, who was bent on exacerbating my mental distress and interfering with my diagnosis. Their intention was to manipulate my grandparents into doubting the validity of my situation.)

In an unexpected turn of events, I found myself entangled in a series of interactions that unraveled the lengths to which this phobic relative would go to harm my mental well-being. Their attempts to undermine my struggles were evident in the messages they shared with my grandparents. It was disheartening to witness the extent of their efforts to negate my identity and experiences.

They referenced an article, "https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5845076/," attempting to draw a link between my condition and various aspects, including gender dysphoria. However, upon careful examination, it became evident that this source held no relevance to my situation, further debunking any correlation to schizophrenia or related concerns.

One message from them stood out: "First rule out schizophrenia before undergoing permanent body transformation." Their implication was clear - they insinuated that my decision to embrace my true self and undergo gender-affirming changes was rash and ill-considered. Yet, their assertions fell flat in the face of comprehensive medical evaluations, which confirmed that my choices were grounded in a well-informed understanding of my identity.

They even went so far as to belittle my journey by stating, "He is playing and experimenting with his body." Astonishingly, their words reduced the profound process of self-discovery and acceptance to mere "play." This remark highlighted their blatant disregard for the emotional complexity that accompanies such a significant life transformation.

Their attempt to substantiate their case took the form of an enumeration of traits: "At risk - Mother-father with history of addiction, alcohol, smoking, physical abuse. After birth - Delayed speech, decreased social interaction, gadget addiction, grandeur behavior, learning issues, lack of attention or focus, body distortion, lack of self...bodily image, lack of goal-oriented behavior, lack of motivation." Their aim was clear: to amplify my alleged psychological vulnerabilities. However, this analysis crumbled upon closer scrutiny.

For instance, they used the phrase "at risk" to accentuate the influence of my parents' history, implying that I was predisposed to my challenges. But their attempt to magnify these risks only oversimplified the complex interplay of factors that contribute to an individual's development. Similarly, the mention of delayed speech and decreased social interaction overlooked the profound impact of my suppressed identity during my formative years.

Their assertions continued with accusations like "panic disorder," "lack of respect for social hierarchy order," and "lack of emotion even when mother died." These labels painted an incomplete picture of my experiences. The panic disorder I faced stemmed from the emotional turmoil caused by my dysphoria, a reality they conveniently overlooked. Their claim of "lack of respect for social hierarchy order" echoed the traditional, restrictive norms that I refuse to endorse.

The mention of my seemingly stoic reaction to my mother's passing disregarded the complex emotional journey I was navigating. Their failure to acknowledge the pain I felt at losing a confidante who promised to support my journey further exposed their lack of empathy.

They appended to their accusations by pointing out my supposed "low physical exercise" and the risk of "harming his body." However, their understanding was flawed. My detachment from my physical self was a direct result of my struggle with identity, not an indifference to my well-being. Their claim of self-harm risk failed to grasp the positive impact that hormone therapy (HRT) was having on me.

They alleged that my "attention-seeking behavior on social media" was the driving force behind my actions. This insinuation reduced my honest attempts at self-expression to mere attention-grabbing antics. They invalidated my courage in sharing my journey openly.

The culmination of their attempts was encapsulated in a comment from my grandfather: "Can you see what I see? It is a cluster of symptoms." Unfortunately, their perspective clouded their judgment. Rather than recognizing the authenticity of my experiences, they chose to label them as symptoms. Their outlook, influenced by prejudice, eroded any semblance of a balanced evaluation.

They further delved into my family history, painting my mother as a person with "high-risk behavior" and an inclination to "experiment with her body." Their portrayal was reductionist, ignoring the complex nature of personal growth and exploration. The mention of her "accidental death" and inability to "fit into society" failed to capture her essence or the broader social dynamics at play.

Ultimately, their attempt to manipulate the narrative was evident when they stated, "If you didn't tell these points, they will wrongly diagnose." Their intention was transparent: to influence my diagnosis by presenting a distorted version of events. However, the comprehensive counseling process had already covered many of these points, rendering their strategy ineffective.

In a desperate attempt to lend credibility to their stance, they shared an article, "https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178121005679," which discussed psychosis in transgender individuals. Yet, this citation held no relevance to my situation, further emphasizing their lack of understanding.

Their accusation of "childhood behavioral issues - anger, etc." attempted to oversimplify the complex emotional turmoil I faced as a result of grappling with my identity.

Concluding their correspondence, they highlighted my grandfather's skepticism and urged a reevaluation of my diagnosis. This ongoing effort to delegitimize my experience, merely because I came out as a girl, was a painful reminder of the LGBQTIA+ phobia that persists in certain circles.

In essence, this correspondence was a disturbing reflection of the lengths to which prejudice can distort perception and perpetuate discrimination. It's a reminder that even as societal attitudes evolve, there remains a pressing need to challenge such biases and advocate for understanding and acceptance.

A Phobic Doctor Relative

 Dealing with a relative who holds LGBQTIA+ phobic views has been an eye-opening experience for me. This encounter emerged when they learned about my identification as a girl through Instagram's recommendations. What makes this situation particularly perplexing is that the relative is involved in the medical field, specializing in neurology.

Although I have never sought medical attention from them, they initiated a series of unsolicited diagnoses. Here's a glimpse into their messages:

"I am trying to stay in peace here

I will not tolerate any nonsense of any sort

(Old Nickname) includes you"

(To tolerate me, I must be under their care/ medical care—a condition I am not in.)

"to 25 percent of patients diagnosed with schizophrenia can express symptoms of gender dysphoria throughout their lives"

(Can medical professionals outside of psychiatry offer such diagnoses?)

"First evaluate for schizhophrenia due to family history and take than thinking it is normal fashion

Some substd psychiatrist who doesnt know can blotch up somebody life"

(So, has gender dysphoria become trivial while schizophrenia remains significant? It's concerning how they labeled other doctors as sub-standard without firsthand knowledge.)

"(A person we know) was treated as schizho depression panic disorder autoimmune juvenile diabetes anti gad etcetc

It took 20 yrs for him to lead normal life

So dont rush in life

(Close Relative) had harmonal issues causing bad dreams"

(Both diagnoses they mentioned are inaccurate. One relative had a pituitary gland concern, and the other individual wasn't even treated by this phobic relative.)

"Rdocs looks at development since foetal stsge

Your parents were drug addicts n u were exposed in utero...foetal exposure has caused changes in neurotransmitter n behaviour"

(While they're right that my parents used drugs recreationally, someone using drugs doesn't imply their child will experience gender dysphoria, their reasoning is more a myth than medical theory.)

"U are prone for gadget addiction get bored etc...plz foxus on career now

(My Grandparents) are old n tired"

(Despite having been cleared by two psychiatrists of having any addiction, this relative's interference compelled me to take action to address the situation, which I'll discuss in a future post.)

"Gradiosity is also another symptom...calling urself prince neil

Thinking ur above any establishment or norms of society

(Old Nickname) plz listen to me..go slow......establish ur self and ur career first so u can survive"

(Their assertion that I'm seeking attention through grandiosity doesn't hold. I'm not defying societal norms to be contrarian; I'm simply embracing my identity. My transition is crucial for my mental well-being.)

"Lack of focus on task at hand ...getting bored easily

Lack of formation of one self identity

(Old Nickname) u can google and check....these are cluster of symptoms coz of your exposure  as a foetus to alcohol, drugs, at risk genes

Your will power and our support will help u vaby"

(Yes, there are moments when my identity crisis affects my focus, and boredom arises from a lack of external engagement. Despite any prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs, I've taken control of my journey.)

"(Phobic Relative and my grandparents) want u to study live a successful life thats all

Be happy"

(Studying is my aspiration, but without the burden of dysphoria. I'm preparing for law entrance exams and envision a future where my transition doesn't hinder my pursuits.)

In response to their messages, I've chosen to convey my thoughts through this simple quote 

विकृतिः एवम्‌ प्रकृति (Vikriti Evan Prakriti) [Unnatural also Natural], 

embodying an unspoken message that transcends religious texts.

This situation underscores the complexities of navigating personal identity within the context of professional backgrounds. As I progress on my journey, I am committed to sharing my experiences and insights, striving to foster understanding and acceptance for those who may be facing similar challenges. Stay tuned for further reflections and updates.