Tonight, I find myself drowning in a sea of emotions as I confront the seemingly insurmountable obstacles on my path towards transition surgeries. It's a journey fraught with darkness, where every step forward feels like a battle against the tide of despair.
The obstacles that loom before me cast long shadows over my soul, weighing me down with their oppressive presence. There are the personal challenges, the relentless whispers of doubt and insecurity that echo in the recesses of my mind. Coping with dysphoria and the relentless onslaught of anxiety threatens to consume me, leaving me gasping for air in a sea of self-loathing constantly feeling incomplete.
And then there are the social challenges, the harsh realities of a world that refuses to see me for who I truly am. It's a world where the words of others cut like knives, slicing through the fragile veneer of my self-worth. Their unintentional comments and unintentional benifit of the doubt opportunity slights serve as painful reminders of the hurdles that stand between me and the life I long to live.
Relationships are a minefield, fraught with the constant fear of rejection and abandonment. The thought of opening up to others, only to be met with disdain or indifference, fills me with a bone-deep ache that refuses to be ignored. It's a lonely existence, surrounded by people yet feeling utterly alone in my struggle.
But amidst the darkness, there are fleeting moments of respite. A kind word from a friend, a gentle touch that speaks volumes more than words ever could. In those moments, I find a flicker of hope amidst the despair, a glimmer of light in the suffocating darkness.
So as I navigate through the treacherous waters of my surgical journey, I cling to that flicker of hope with all the strength I can muster. It may be small, barely visible against the overwhelming tide of despair, but it's enough to keep me going for another day trying to complete myself to feel myself.
